The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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