Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
