Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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