everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
