is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
