Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
