obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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