Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
