he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
