You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
