census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
