Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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