This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
