he shaved USA in his pubs
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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