OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
