so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
