im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
