when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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