I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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