my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
