eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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