Your face is a jimmy john
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
