Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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