So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
