The best revenge is premature balding
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
