Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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