I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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