As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Non-Jews are for practice
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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