I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
