Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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