What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
