He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
