who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
