He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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