I faked an abortion last night.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
