I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
