8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
