The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
