I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
