I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
