the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
