i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
