Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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