We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
