He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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