why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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