dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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