I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
