FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
