He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
