I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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