the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
