Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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