I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
