absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
