I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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